Corporations are people. Money is speech. The Supreme Court is not corrupt.

International Money Pile in Cash and Coins

Look at all that speech! (Photo credit:

I’m not suggesting anything, I’m literally just asking for clarification…

In Citizens United, the Supreme Court ruled that corporations are people and money is speech. If that’s true…

  • Is purse-snatching and pick-pocketing now a Federal offense since it’s a violation of the victim’s first amendment rights [stealing money = stealing speech]?
  • Philosophically speaking, is a credit card company [person] loaning you their speech? Is it really fair for them to demand that you pay back more speech [interest] than you use? If so, shouldn’t interest rates on speech at least be something determined by the government?
  • If someone walks into a McDonald’s and kills all of the employees, are they guilty of murder? I mean, they would have been using speech [bullets bought with money] against an infinitesimal portion of the company [person]. Really, in a company that size, the offense would be less than cutting off someone’s fingernail.
  • Companies registered in America, but completely owned by foreigners have more right to decide what goes on in government than any number of citizens with less money to give to politicians, correct?
  • If you boycott a company that you have a history of buying from, are you taking speech away from them?
  • If you bribed a government employee, you’d really just be ‘speaking’ to them, right?
  • Would a government employee using your money in a way you have not approved of be in effect abridging your speech and therefore guilty of [at least] fraud or [more likely] treason?
  • If you use money to hire a political assassin, you can’t be prosecuted, right? You would just be making a statement with your free speech.

Does it all seem absurd? Of course it does. Because companies are not people and money is not speech. We all know these things at the core of our being and only someone motivated by greed would say otherwise.

In a world where money is speech, government employees don’t just have permission, they have a responsibility to favor corporations and the wealthy over anybody else because they have more speech. This, despite the fact that one of the fundamental purposes of a representative government is to ensure that the people — the ones with bodies and souls — have an advocate against any and all threats, foreign and domestic.

If you support any PAC other than WOLF PAC, you’re part of the problem.

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Need a laugh?


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